2022 New Year Post

Editing this blog to arm-twist my Ah-So-Reflective-Year-End-Recap into a perky 2022 post bursting with positivity. This is why I cannot have a job in editorial, will miss all the deadlines. Blame it on rainy days, I get all stoned out.

Avici Hell : Continuous Hell. Time with no interruption. Hell of incessant suffering.  Happy New Year Everyone!!!! Happy 2^nd Covid Anniversary Everyone!

I know the drill. Long nights with chills, fever, aches and labored breathing. If this is a chronic pain, one can totally understand why euthanasia should be legalized. Thank you for comforting me that MOE is pushing you teachers for the 4^th jab while I am trying to survive this booster… Urghhh… Is there no end in sight?

Last post of 2021. Nothing new to talk about since most events are recycled. Stale news that leave a bad taste in your mouth. Ok, better than no taste at all. Brand New Year brings renewed hopes and wishes!!!! Stop laughing, can’t you see I am trying down here…

FIL is unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer in 2021. He has always been healthy so this comes as a shock. Good news that he is responding extremely well to treatment. My heart goes out to Kenneth, who takes up all the extra things life throws at him…. I want to say all the burdens aged him but this man comes out looking ridiculously younger and younger!!! (Darling, that is no mask acne. That is puberty induced pimples ready to burst but your pores are too fine, they are simply trapped.) Sigh…I always know I married a younger man. I just never know how young…

Health has never feature so prominently in our lives but after the scare, heath screenings and exercise become our highlight for Q4. Kenneth literally rejuvenates himself back into his early 30s - tip top condition with a butt like granite. Cover the head and you have fashion model material no doubt.

Hi Chloe Ting. Love you. 

I try to play catch up. As always. Hence my best investment ever - Apple watch. Unlike some 自我感觉良好 dude who laughs at my NO GAPS, my Apple watch is endearing and ever so encouraging – “it’s ok, today is a fresh start”, “you can still do it”….

Praises and encouragements always work. I witness myself bounce bounce bounce after the $10 carrot that AIA and Lumi Health dangles in front of me weekly. Amazing how a little cash can incentivize clogged fats to HEY MOVE IT, DON’T BLOCK THE ARTERY TO PROSPERITY.  

Learned that humans, at age 40+, that is us, are at the rock bottom of our happiness index curve. I give this statistic a very serious thought since Ken escapes the curse by growing backwards. What can I do? Luckily being Pisces, I live half my life in the clouds so reality is but an alternative to the unlimited possibilities of my fantasyland. Hence I totally fail to grasp the shit I am suppose to be in. What is there to worry at my age?

Until…

Megan’s Chinese teacher calls me on her poor Chinese and HCL results…

Conclusion.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil. Dunno No Evil. Chilled parenting is clearly a result of not knowing anything.

But now the parent knows. **POOF**… Fantasy land gone. Well, we din just land smack right into earth since the gates of Hell has just been flung wide open… WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DUNNO THIS WORD??!!! Needless to say, I level up into a rage mum real quick. Welcome to this new specimen of an angry Singaporean Chinese mother if you have never seen one.

Not proud of my profane absurdities to the stupidity of THIS SIMPLE SENTENCE ALSO CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAVE U BEEN DOOOOINGGGG…. can be heard in one explosive and passionate howl 2 blocks away… Ok I said all these in Mandarin since activation of Project Chinese Improvement Plan aka CIP, I became exclusively Channel 8.

Hey Morgi... Good job on the Chinese Calligraphy, you are not in trouble... YET... Your turn will come... soon...

I am not a mindless screaming machine. I do feel bad. After every screaming session, I say yes to more play dates and book more activities. 21 outings in 31 days of Dec. Mind-blowing feat…

Scold Scold Scold. Play Play Play. The cycle of dichotomy needs to break because we can never outlast a Zoomer. It is not so much that scolding is tiring but CIP generates so much 作文造句 that need marking, explaining, corrections!!! Easy to say go 造句”丰富“, harder to determine if 妈妈煮了丰富的午餐is correct, or is it 丰盛的午餐??? Ah my Chinese isn’t that great either. Damn. I need to think this over.

Grandmas* teaching granddaughters Chinese… how… sweet…

Ok we have our fair share of fun in 2021. We pay for our first mahjong lesson (receive lifetime supply of scoffs and eye rolls from relatives and friends, will never hear the end of it) Yes Yes, unbelievable state of affairs for a Chinese. Yes Yes Yes. But it is so much fun. We need to will buy a set of mahjong tiles soon!

End of 2021 sees bestie and me colliding with an elderly cyclist in the park. Facing the shaken auntie with bleeding lips siting on the ground, we were practically useless. You think you know how to react in a crisis but even a small accident; my best performance is to hold out a tissue and ask, “are you ok” repeatedly. Face Palm.

Even today, I exchange occasional watsapps with her husband, receiving news that auntie is back in hospital again for headaches. Not good. I am concerned about them yet they are concerned about us. Uncle keeps telling me that it is nobody’s fault, rejecting our offer to pay for medical expenses and telling me no need to visit, so mafan. What is an appropriate course of action from me? I am so used to Problem, Action, Case Close… This is uncomfortably different for me.  

And you know what? While revisiting this post, I realize I may not be the stronger one needing to provide help. They are also not frail and weak, helpless without my intervention. I got it all wrong. This is not about me and what I can do for them to selfishly make myself feel better. It is about listening , giving consideration to their need for space and respecting their perspective of the accident. 

No need for excessive action to guilt trip myself  and guilt trip others. Uncle is right. “we can just be friends”. So to my 2 new elderly friends in the South-East, thank you for showing me that naturalness is indeed the most appropriate way to approach life. It has been wonderful to know you both. 

And in the meantime, life with m&m continues. We planted two trees and they are going to grow up strong and healthy alongside with us… Welcome 2022. We are looking forward. 

*Outsourcing enables higher happiness index through lower involvement and lower blood pressure, which benefits both providers and end users, leading to increase employment and diversity in opportunities. 

Fifty Shades of Boredom

Yes that is was me. 

Once upon a time, the universe was filled with wonder. Then came humans who managed to invent Boredom. One and a half years of CB, CCB, HA, HAHA has taught me that I am but a human being. 

Tick Tick Tick Tick, the hands of the clock goes round and round... It is end of September. 

Social Gathering

When your idea of meeting up with friends materialized as Soon Kueh masterclass with Mimi or Mooncake Making Session with MIL, you know you are clearly in the realm of auntiehood.

When time becomes a long and mundane stretch, they throw in a festival. A perfect excuse and chance to break the monotony and bake your own mooncake. Hours go by amidst the happy chatter and they actually look and taste good! We need more festivals. 

Once in a blue moon, and this woman does not follow any routine, mimi makes soon kueh. Best in Singapore and some say JB, nobody can argue this fact. When she suddenly says ok, let's do this two weeks later, the masses dutifully apply for leave and at 9am sharp, arrive at my house. 

My mum. Her life is even more eventful than mine. When I want to meet her, I gatecrash her social gatherings, if not I cannot get a slot in. That busy woman. 

Sourdough

Take the leap. Despite being a miserable baker, I plunge into baking sourdough from scratch (starter from Lily). Life is really not that complicated. Magic happens when you mix flour and water together. 

This strange starter thing. Feed water and flour and it will raise to three times the volume in two hours. Watching it is exactly the same feeling as watching paint dry. My life is interesting again. 

I finally know why this is called an artisan bread. There is no hard and fast rules and you have to know your starter, dough and oven intimately. I love it, taste great even when I forget to add salt 50% of the time! It helps a lot that Ken and my FIL savor it so something to do on the weekends. Not chasing the big bubbles but the aesthetic whore in me cannot let go of how ugly my bread looks.  Time to invest in a brand new oven, bread stone, banneton, razor blade… and many many more wholegrain flour, cheese, jam, nuts, seeds etc…

Food for the Soul

I try, I really do. Ken reads when he cannot sleep. Five pages in and he is in slumber land. I read for pleasure. This stack has been beside my bed for months. One chapter in and I rotate to another book... I now know why Megan sighs and say she has nothing to do when she has 16 untouched library books on her shelves. 

Opium is not addictive enough. Bourdain's humor has waned on me. The book on myself is too thick. I am, I admit, I am distracted... by...

Him

Isn’t this the most mesmerizing face in the history of mankind… I binge watch Flower of Evil twice, late into the nights. 

Yes, my figure is pear shaped, my patchy face dehydrated and eyes swollen from crying too much watching his shows. But who cares since I am not going into office. This is the few benefits of HAHA. 

Still, I drag myself out of bed daily, walk that extra mile to hit 10,000 steps, plank the extra 10 seconds just because I cannot, simply cannot present this drum of a rotund body, flabby arms and bouncy thighs to him. Imagine we pass each other by on the streets one day. We may just become fast friends when our eyes meet. 

This scene is so vivid in my mind. Except that the visuals of him and me (urghh)… so wrong. Step up on the exercise YY. Chance favors the prepared mind, face and body. 

M&M??? Oh, they are well and alive. 

My Queen of Lego does it again. This girl is excellent in visualizing 3D forms. This time on the theme of Tokyo Olympics 2020.

Tokyo Olympics is actually more interesting than what I thought...

 In the spectator stand, social distancing happens to mark the iconic golden age of Covid. 

Pole Vault is the most breath taking event we watched. OMG this young talented Armand Duplantis makes vertical accent looks like a piece of cake! 

The absolute best commentary of 2020 Tokyo Olympics must be for the men's hurdles. This crazy year of record breaking... 

Diving

Table Tennis

In hindsight, maybe the Olympics is the best thing that happens. We absolutely need it. To see the strength, spirit and hope in these athletics giving their very best. Of course, juxtaposed with the ugliness of politics and media portrayal of the event.. We live in an ugly ugly era.

Oh yah, this project needs special mention. 

Mr Morg keeps asking me for rose and mint to make perfume (!!??). Not spending money on flowers when one can pick lots of fallen ones in Bishan Park.

This is a perfect example of ill-conceived projects when the heart is not in it. Morgan says we need alcohol to soak the flowers, I recall Patrick Suskind infusing the scent with oil. Anyway, not a lot of choices here since olive oil is the only thing I have, so we wash, peel, soak and wait. So exciting right?

Lesson number one: Plan

Lesson number two: Pick flowers that have a scent in the first place. Now I cannot tell if the perfume project is successful or not because after a week, I whiff and whiff and can only smell nature…. and olive oil.

No perfume, but we live happily ever after... (in fifty shades of boredom)

The End.

July Heighten Alert Heighten Alert (HAHA)

We are back to Phase 2 Heighten Alert! HA is now officially HAHA. This round is exceptionally hard on everyone, mentally…

Friend just sent me a link that Minister will make some updates tomorrow, calling for citizens to “continue to stay united, look to the road ahead, and overcome this as one people”.

Typical Singaporean reading : he is asking for unity, means no good news liao. HAHA is going to be HAHAHA soon.

Vaccine.

Ken and me are done with our second dose.

One thing about the male species: being sick means they need lots of tender loving care to nurse them back to health. I am prepared to sayang sayang… But Ken is perfectly fine after the jab! Impressive.

Me, on the other hand…. A disaster. I am freezing then perspiring as if I have constipation and trapped in a stuffy toilet until something comes out from the other end. Which is not far from the truth. Aches, giddiness, gastric, reflux, nausea, arm pain, chest pain, head pain, back pain, finger pain. Imprisoned and drowning in my fatigue body, even a single movement cause my eyeballs to hurt. Ah yes, eye pain as well. Deardear, please draw the curtains… the lights hurt.

Ken seizes the moment like a knight in shining armor with over the top loving concern. I look at him from the bed and just want to go HAHAHAHAHA! So weird to be spoiled like a baby. So sickeningly sweet. I can so get used to this.  

Love.

Matt and Feli are finally married. Congrats! The fluctuating Covid gathering regulations have seen them postponing the big event again and again. Luckily, the small window opens and here we are, attending a small and sweet ceremony.

Family. Pet.

“Shall we buy a fish tank?”

Oh no no no. Terrible idea. So many families fall apart over fish tanks. Everyone loves to stare at fishes but nobody wants to clean the tank. Fast and violent deaths to all fishes reared on impulse. When the novelty ends, there will be an empty tank in room: too expensive to throw, too ugly and bulky to repurpose. I object.

“Let’s get a chihuahua!” 

"Are you way too bored?

We actually do own a house pet already : Max, Maxim and Maximus. They live under our sofa and nobody is certain how many of them we have. Introducing Maxim, our friendly family lizard.  Megan is convinced we have three, I have only seen Maxim.

I feel a connection with Maxim. He is really handsome. Loves to come out and watch TV beside Morgi’s feet, after which we will hear a scream and both of them will run in opposite directions. How do I describe the camera shy Maxim? Ah he looks something like this:

(disclaimer, I don't know who he is but these eyes, they are my Maxim's earnest eyes when he watches TV with us)

Entertainment

Mr Morg pester me every single day to buy him the Wheel of Fortune. So I make him a big one. How to make it spin? Luckily, nothing a glue gun and LEGO wheels cannot solve. I am a genius.

SPIN!!! (Clap Clap Clap)….. Morgan wins 2 pages of homework!!! Yeah!!!! We all celebrate in unison.

But that is not the REAL wheel! He complains. He loves to complain. Ok fine, make one yourself! And so he did. It can spin too! 

Apparently, still not satisfied! Until he finds an online Powerpoint template by Timothy Hsu (!!), downloads it (!!!) and spends everyday modifying and setting new rules on his Powerpoint (!!!!)… plus fight with his sister who wants to “program” the game more and he wants to spin the mystery wheel now…

Kpop

Didi suddenly demands BTS Fire. So many demands, this boy! Holy, this is a Kpop dance song!!! And Morgan dances energetically to it… he knows the moves!!! What have young kids been watching these days? Megan joins him…. I join him…. Ken declares this flash dance as the beginning of our daily morning dance routine.

So here we are, moving to the groove of BTS before 7am every morning. I have to say, it is a real work out moving my arms left and right! Megan says not fair, I want Black Pink Kill This Love! Meaning: we all have to learn a second dance…

“Mummy, you need your own music video dance too”

 I think for 3 seconds. 3. 2. 1. Aaron Kwok. 对你爱爱爱不完.

The look on Megan’s face as she watches this cheesy low resolution 1990 MV. After the first chorus, oh never mind, let’s turn 郭富城 off. You can return your jaw back to position now thank you.

Practicing Kpop Dance Tutorial with the kids is fun. After a while. I feel young, real confident that my moves are sharp and on point. That is until Megi decides to face the wall mirror instead of the TV.

Mirror mirror on the wall. Feel good self-illusion no more.

Hey mimi, don’t try too hard, this can get very demoralizing.

Death.

Mimi explodes exciting news to me. Hey, the new Yio Chu Kang Garden of Peace now allows for family to scatter the ashes of the deceased in the garden! Apply for me!!! This is the way I want to go!!! I give her the bored look. I thought you and your crazy sisters and brothers have all gone shopping for your columbarium spaces and preferably all ten of you (or all 12 to 14 of you including the grandparents) can be together in your afterlife?

But ok. Noted. This plan sounds way better. Will get you a shady spot.

Over the dining table one day, my MIL also agrees that this is a good idea but she prefers having her chatty sisters as ghostly neighbors. Apparently columbarium niches are like real estate condominiums. If there are no available slots left, one can buy them from others at a higher price. There are people who will let go of a slot. Hmmm. Very interesting. Megan chuckles.

In other news, so so bored. Something interesting, please happen soon.