Our little Lives

Past 5 weeks are so full of action that I need a blog fast just to keep abreast of events.  

National Day and the Tan family celebrates in style with the red and white prata party. And it’s the same prata chef after so many years!!! He totally remembers the family.

 

TIP No. 1 : Forget the kosong and egg prata. Bring on the plaster, tissue, onion and cheese, banana and chocolate! And folks, red, white, sake does not pair well with prata, let me drink my Teh Tarik in peace, PLEASE!

SIA T3 lounges finally open, and the midnight photoshoot has been fun. 

 

TIP No. 2 : Always bring your own setting up props… because OMG, the vases look bad, any better flower arrangements, the buffet counters no accessories? The Art … what Art?

Kenneth has been using Mad Charcoal as our extended kitchen and dining place twice a week. After ordering buckets of Heineken to go with steak because we are becoming true blue kopishop uncle and aunty, we delightfully realize the old customers bring their own bottles of wine over. Ever since the rays of enlightenment shine through our thick skulls, we always exchange $5 corkage for three wine glasses.

TIP No. 3 : Always offer the chef a glass of wine in appreciation of the nice food (to come). A nice gesture learned from Ray Ray. From restaurants to hawker centers, the Chef will make sure to orchestrate their best flavors and complimentary side dishes start to debut.

We and Chef upgrade to buddy level so fast that now when he sees us walk into the coffeeshop, he races to decant his own collection and tells us “I finished the sake on Wednesday (thinking you guys will come) but try this old vine, it needs to breath, no need to order, I will arrange your food tonight, go sit”… … TADA kopishop style omakase. 

Mum in Law is diagnosed with very early stage of Dementia. One of the many dementia tsunami cases in recent years when elderly sustain from social activities due to too much Covid precaution. 

 

TIP No. 4a : 

Go for diagnosis early. The level and depth of support the government and extended agencies have for patients and caregivers is amazing. I may not always be pro the ruling party but I need to give the entire well thought out system from medical care to counselling to grassroot activities a standing ovation.

 

TIP No. 4b : 

 

Blog. I am blogging for the day I lose my memories. In fact, if not for all these written and visual records, I cannot even remember what we did a month ago. 

PSLE is upon us whether we know it or not. 

Meggie certainly does not inform me of the all-important dates and by the time I learn that my receptionist is taking leave for her daughter’s PSLE Oral, it is 4 days before the big day. Bad news is, it is too late for me to do anything. Good news is, it is too late to do anything. 

 

“What do you want to do?” complains the girl. “You don’t really care what, you even fold all my worksheets into paper containers for bones before I can submit to my teachers”

 

Ouch! Girl has issues… 

TIP No. 5 : 

 

Control the sustainability impulse in you. Refrain from recycling worksheets, just make them disappear. Marie Kondo things that do not spark joy away! 

Compare two scenarios: 

(Seeing fish bones in recycled boxes) Mum, that is my science worksheet!!!

(Seeing nothing) Mum, I can’t find my science worksheet. (Pretend to help her search)

 

Extraordinary Attorney Woo has been delightful to watch because her Asperger’s syndrome and little actions are like Morgan’s. The subtle portrayal of general public’s misconception and expectations of people on the spectrum is also humorously heartbreaking. 

 

Instead of whales, Kenneth banned Morgie from talking about buses. So, boy channels all his energy into drawing instead. 

The biggest benefit of picking up Art is peace and quiet descending on earth. 

Creating his own story books is also the hottest trend in the family. 

 

Here we are, our tiny family living out our little lives… …

Hmmm nothing interesting is happening

Life is very much back to normal (sibei sian).

More time spent on trains and office means less time for family. Kiddos have to devise their own games because mummy is busy. The games they come out with are hilarious, esp one drawn by Mr. Morg. Throw a dice, land on a square. Follow instruction. Easy enough.

We keep landing on “find a hat” and the rush for precious commodities have all of us hogging and stealing from one another.

Morgan lands on “Pray to Buddha” square, and signals us to follow his lead to the Buddha statue at our bar counter. May be the first time it dawn on me that it is a Buddha statue and not a Guanyin. My bad. I have no idea what is in our house. Sometimes. 

Morgi starts, “Dear Buddha in Heaven, Holy be your name, Your Kingdom comes….. and deliver us from Evil…” Megan cracks up so bad.

Someone gives Mr Morg my mobile number and he has been calling me four times a day to come home earlier. He even requests to go to a clinic one day and with doleful eyes, tells the doctor he has stomachache and a “heartbroken”.

CBRC TEG6125BEV03, MAN NL323f (A22) (Euro V), Mercedes-Benz O530 Citaro, Scania K230UB…. The new obsession of the little one.

It begins when Ken leaves for US, leaving me to take Morgan to school by bus. A double decker to be specific and there is no turning back. Realization of his privileged chauffeured lifestyle hits him so bad that Yutong E12, Volvo B7RLE, Linkker LM312 addiction ensures.

Total disruption to our daily logistic, withdrawal symptoms play out on every trip to the carpark:

Him      : NO! NO! No car!

Me        : Tomorrow, we can take a bus. Today, we …

Him      : This is not right! Mummy, I cannot afford a car, we have to take the bus

Me     : Listen, when you grow up, you can take on any job you want. Maybe you want be a bus   capti…

Him    : I am going to be a policeman. I will throw daddy in jail so he cannot drive anymore! I will get rid of daddy. Then we will have no car!

Vicious is his middle name…

Luckily for him, a Grab driver crashed her car into ours two weeks ago. No human is harmed but Voila! 

Morgi’s wildest dream comes true. It has been buses everyday everywhere everytime everyone ever since.

My favorite girl indulges on a totally difference path. Language is as cryptic as Wright Eclipse Gemini B9TL unfortunately － 六六三十六, 瞒天过海。

Yes, Sun Zi’s Art of War. Lots of quotable quotes neatly copied in her notebook as she develops sudden interest to hear me spin stories of “tossing out a brick to lure a jade” or how to “stomp the grass to scare the snake”.

I enquire about this new interest. And Alamak, she thinks 父母呼 应勿缓 父母命 行勿懒 is the same as 三十六计 走为上策! How can one confuse Confucius’s moral and ethics with Sun Zi’s military tactics!!!! OMG! Immediate intervention required.

How do I even start explaining Sun Zi – Good. Di Zhi Gui – Nay. (ok 99% of chinese parents out there will totally disagree with me, but I just cannot stand how morals are being taught as properganda)

Let me tell you a story about Qu Yuan. 

“Dumpling guy?”, she asks.

Yes, yes, same dumpling guy whom all Chinese worship during dragon boat festival.

Story:

Despite Qu Yuan’s political drive for the Correctness and Honor, society at large failed him. An undeterred sense of justice constantly battered by un-virtuous realities of life, he eventually drowned himself.  

Before jumping, Qu Yuan met an old fisherman who asked him why he cannot accommodate the world as it is… he replied “I will not taint my clean self with impure exterior, I will rather die than to let dust cover a fine jade.”

The fisherman left, singing a song, “when the water is clean, I use it to wash my hat, when the water is murky, I use it to wash my feet, all external elements are available for use when I follow the nature of things…“

End of story.

More confusion. Hmmm. Yah, what am I trying to explain to her again? That ethics and morals are never in the business of correctness? Moral high ground prevents one from reaching out to people? Totally off topic. That look on her face, no wonder my friend says it is a blessing I did not end up in academia. Indeed, I just download my personal distaste for moral maladies.

It is no wonder Megan calls me out for bullshitting quite often these days.

She is also upset that I disregard rules in general “because there is such a thing as Right and Wrong, mummy”. OMG, my daughter is so rigid and dogmatic. Mimi tells me kids this age need structure and boundaries so my causal attitude towards rules is causing her distress. I need to back off.

Megan also complains I am lazy, not spending enough time practicing “stuff”. No idea why I need to practice Rubik’s cube but every evening, the moment I sit down for TV time, I will hear, “Mum, have you practice yet? What is the next step? Not ULFL…. Mum, you fail again. Are you practicing properly”. So irritating. I bring official work home to pretend working just to avoid Megan’s constant nagging.

Wait a minute, it suddenly drawn on me that … 无中生有 声东击西. This woman is creating a distraction from my academic monitoring, leading me down mistaken terrains to avoid her nagging. Subdue the enemy without fighting…

And just when I think life is so damn boring… my boss returns after 10 weeks. Sigh…. Busy days ahead…. 

March is a month of Reflection

Run out of the cave, run out of your hole! 

Bear, Rabbits and little Moles 

Hatch from your eggs in threes!

The Bugs are back with the Bees.

The Flowers bloom when the Grass is green.

How ever do they know it’s Spring?

“Quick! The Bear is here, now don’t slack!”

And all the Fish swam, like on a racetrack.

Bears, Rabbits and Bees,

Grass, Flowers and Trees,

They feel the warmth of the Sun.

And that’s when they know that Spring has come!

Meggie submits a poem for competition. Morgie compliments with an art work – Spring is here!

March is a month of reflection plus an embarrassing amount of celebrations and merrymaking. But I am getting ahead of myself… let’s start the blog from the beginning of 2022.

Mr Morg in Primary 1!!!! Finally. I hate to be cliche but I was absolutely emo seeing my little boy all grown up. Waah!!!! Dead pan look from Megan. Pull yourself together mummy!

The past 6 years have been a confusing and often depressive search for a diagnosis and decisive action plan for Morgie.  Starting from Day 3 of his birth, suspected of hearing losses in both ears, we went through multiple specialists and with help from many family and friends pulled through mind blogging logistics.

Rotated through three psychologists for his multiple and multiplying issues. Can’t eat, can’t write, can’t hear, can’t talk, can’t focus, autism, ADHD etc. Endless conditions observed, 360 degree directions given, 100% work on caregivers.

His first psychologist was imposed onto us by the Institution for early intervention. Morgan was ready clientele in their database (of wrong diagnosis). Shaming and guilt tripping were deployed heavily to ensure we parents, do our best so that our kids are not "left behind", dragging down the whole Singapore cohort. After showing the institution our middle finger (regretfully a bit late), we engaged a freelancer psychologist who turned to be a fraud. Ha!

OK, one last psychologist just to write a deferment letter. Morgan was evaluated (again) but this time, I was briefed on a very different diagnosis - Morg has superior VSI, FSI, WMI, high average VCI but jialat jialat PSI.

Meaning? We just want a normal functioning life for our son, hopefully in a mainstream school…

Explanation – Good news is, Morgie has superior full scale IQ of 131. Bad news is, he displays very weak processing speed, everything is jammed up at some bottleneck in his brain. The standard way of engagement and learning does not work. We have to find new ways and the clock is ticking. And of course, Morgie may well be on the spectrum, which does not mean anything since everything is on a spectrum. 

We literally start all over again. Changed 5 preschools and 3 speech therapists. I can never forget feeding Morgan his lunch in cabs, while swallowing warm tears because we were stuck in massive traffic jams due to traffic accidents. Stressing over $5 for every minute loss in therapy time. Expensive. Therapies are expensive.

So expensive is everything that I eventually take matters in my own hands. Whatever the therapist touches on, I will expand the syllabus. Learning to converse? I can draw him a book with speech bubbles to give him the basic words to kick start different life scenarios. Whatever I see relevant from OT Toolbox, Autism and ADHD webpages, I can turn into games and activities - learn cause and effect, the different basic human emotions, hand eye coordination etc. 

We are by no means the only parents who exhaust ourselves for our children with special needs. I have many friends who do more just to give their kids a normal childhood. Many tears and many joys. Now, Morgan is Primary One in a mainstream school. 

Now. 2022. I receive letters from Morgan – the boy with problems gripping, writes "I really miss you, mum". (though Megan clarifies that he actually misses my phone. If I come back from Dubai earlier, my phone comes home earlier too)

Now. 2022. Every time I ask him to stop youtube, I can hear “我不可以，我肚子痛, I will be devastated, destroyed, ruined, exterminated, broken, crushed, damaged, drowned….” The boy who could only engage in echolalia, now reserves his vocabulary for more irritating ventures.

Except for the non stop yapping from him, there is general peace in the household. Ken, on his continuous improvement plan, striving for his Shuhari de Ri. I, in my ikigai mode with everything in moderation – no unhappiness of scarcity, no discomfort of excess. Too satisfied with the Now to dwell on the future or use my brain for anything new. 2022 with Netflix has been good enough, so far... 

I ask Megan what she aspires to become – Rich? Pretty? Knowledgeable? Resourceful? Kind? Popular? Brave? etc?

“Kind? Not really, more like helpful and generous. Independent yes. No, not popular please. Oh I want to be Cool!!!”

Independent. Good. Petrol is expensive these days. 

To be Cool. Now, now, now, isn't that my forgotten lifelong pursuit!!! Back in the old days, to be cool was to upgrade from people watching in the canteen to developing deep consideration to the masses by pretending you notice yet didn’t notice your hundreds of admirers looking at you. Please, people, this is not some mental self indulgence game. This is the perfect awareness of self and the environment. 

You cannot appear too deliberate. You cannot be too slack. Think Goldilocks – everything must be JUST RIGHT! At the right moment, your hair falls casually and frames your profile at your best angle. You silently curse that hot sun (aiyah hair sticks to your neck). But the cool breeze will nonchalantly flutter the few strands loose. Perfect. This is the epitome of Cool… Breeze? Breeze. Now please. Breeze… 

Oh Come on! Breeze. NOW!

Honestly, my dear daughter, of all aspirations, you have chosen a hard one. But a worthwhile pursuit it is. Daddy and me are 100% supportive. 

Being Cool is to be the Ri in Shuhari because nobody will perceive a dumbass cool even if he/she has the looks. Only when you are a master of your own craft can you casually display that very subtle Art of graceful, non-striving demeanor. The hardworking model student image is out because a linear studious path is utmost uncool (from the looks of crispy pages of all your textbooks, reckon you know this well enough). One has to be a non-conformist and having a detached style matters. Just ask me, I have decades of experience being cool. Or rather......

Maybe I lost it many years back. Someone called me an auntie yesterday. Reflect. Reflect. Sigh... Yes, it is time for me to get back into the game. Ken's gonna be left behind eating dust again but he will understand as I need to walk this path with my dear Megan now. 

A deep self reflection is in order. Give me a while to get myself back in my element folks… I will be back. 

2022 New Year Post

Editing this blog to arm-twist my Ah-So-Reflective-Year-End-Recap into a perky 2022 post bursting with positivity. This is why I cannot have a job in editorial, will miss all the deadlines. Blame it on rainy days, I get all stoned out.

Avici Hell : Continuous Hell. Time with no interruption. Hell of incessant suffering.  Happy New Year Everyone!!!! Happy 2^nd Covid Anniversary Everyone!

I know the drill. Long nights with chills, fever, aches and labored breathing. If this is a chronic pain, one can totally understand why euthanasia should be legalized. Thank you for comforting me that MOE is pushing you teachers for the 4^th jab while I am trying to survive this booster… Urghhh… Is there no end in sight?

Last post of 2021. Nothing new to talk about since most events are recycled. Stale news that leave a bad taste in your mouth. Ok, better than no taste at all. Brand New Year brings renewed hopes and wishes!!!! Stop laughing, can’t you see I am trying down here…

FIL is unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer in 2021. He has always been healthy so this comes as a shock. Good news that he is responding extremely well to treatment. My heart goes out to Kenneth, who takes up all the extra things life throws at him…. I want to say all the burdens aged him but this man comes out looking ridiculously younger and younger!!! (Darling, that is no mask acne. That is puberty induced pimples ready to burst but your pores are too fine, they are simply trapped.) Sigh…I always know I married a younger man. I just never know how young…

Health has never feature so prominently in our lives but after the scare, heath screenings and exercise become our highlight for Q4. Kenneth literally rejuvenates himself back into his early 30s - tip top condition with a butt like granite. Cover the head and you have fashion model material no doubt.

Hi Chloe Ting. Love you. 

I try to play catch up. As always. Hence my best investment ever - Apple watch. Unlike some 自我感觉良好 dude who laughs at my NO GAPS, my Apple watch is endearing and ever so encouraging – “it’s ok, today is a fresh start”, “you can still do it”….

Praises and encouragements always work. I witness myself bounce bounce bounce after the $10 carrot that AIA and Lumi Health dangles in front of me weekly. Amazing how a little cash can incentivize clogged fats to HEY MOVE IT, DON’T BLOCK THE ARTERY TO PROSPERITY.  

Learned that humans, at age 40+, that is us, are at the rock bottom of our happiness index curve. I give this statistic a very serious thought since Ken escapes the curse by growing backwards. What can I do? Luckily being Pisces, I live half my life in the clouds so reality is but an alternative to the unlimited possibilities of my fantasyland. Hence I totally fail to grasp the shit I am suppose to be in. What is there to worry at my age?

Until…

Megan’s Chinese teacher calls me on her poor Chinese and HCL results…

Conclusion.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil. Dunno No Evil. Chilled parenting is clearly a result of not knowing anything.

But now the parent knows. **POOF**… Fantasy land gone. Well, we din just land smack right into earth since the gates of Hell has just been flung wide open… WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DUNNO THIS WORD??!!! Needless to say, I level up into a rage mum real quick. Welcome to this new specimen of an angry Singaporean Chinese mother if you have never seen one.

Not proud of my profane absurdities to the stupidity of THIS SIMPLE SENTENCE ALSO CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAVE U BEEN DOOOOINGGGG…. can be heard in one explosive and passionate howl 2 blocks away… Ok I said all these in Mandarin since activation of Project Chinese Improvement Plan aka CIP, I became exclusively Channel 8.

Hey Morgi... Good job on the Chinese Calligraphy, you are not in trouble... YET... Your turn will come... soon...

I am not a mindless screaming machine. I do feel bad. After every screaming session, I say yes to more play dates and book more activities. 21 outings in 31 days of Dec. Mind-blowing feat…

Scold Scold Scold. Play Play Play. The cycle of dichotomy needs to break because we can never outlast a Zoomer. It is not so much that scolding is tiring but CIP generates so much 作文造句 that need marking, explaining, corrections!!! Easy to say go 造句”丰富“, harder to determine if 妈妈煮了丰富的午餐is correct, or is it 丰盛的午餐??? Ah my Chinese isn’t that great either. Damn. I need to think this over.

Grandmas* teaching granddaughters Chinese… how… sweet…

Ok we have our fair share of fun in 2021. We pay for our first mahjong lesson (receive lifetime supply of scoffs and eye rolls from relatives and friends, will never hear the end of it) Yes Yes, unbelievable state of affairs for a Chinese. Yes Yes Yes. But it is so much fun. We need to will buy a set of mahjong tiles soon!

End of 2021 sees bestie and me colliding with an elderly cyclist in the park. Facing the shaken auntie with bleeding lips siting on the ground, we were practically useless. You think you know how to react in a crisis but even a small accident; my best performance is to hold out a tissue and ask, “are you ok” repeatedly. Face Palm.

Even today, I exchange occasional watsapps with her husband, receiving news that auntie is back in hospital again for headaches. Not good. I am concerned about them yet they are concerned about us. Uncle keeps telling me that it is nobody’s fault, rejecting our offer to pay for medical expenses and telling me no need to visit, so mafan. What is an appropriate course of action from me? I am so used to Problem, Action, Case Close… This is uncomfortably different for me.  

And you know what? While revisiting this post, I realize I may not be the stronger one needing to provide help. They are also not frail and weak, helpless without my intervention. I got it all wrong. This is not about me and what I can do for them to selfishly make myself feel better. It is about listening , giving consideration to their need for space and respecting their perspective of the accident. 

No need for excessive action to guilt trip myself  and guilt trip others. Uncle is right. “we can just be friends”. So to my 2 new elderly friends in the South-East, thank you for showing me that naturalness is indeed the most appropriate way to approach life. It has been wonderful to know you both. 

And in the meantime, life with m&m continues. We planted two trees and they are going to grow up strong and healthy alongside with us… Welcome 2022. We are looking forward. 

*Outsourcing enables higher happiness index through lower involvement and lower blood pressure, which benefits both providers and end users, leading to increase employment and diversity in opportunities.