I am the center of my universe

Someone told me there is an International Bad Parents Day. LOL, it must be designed for self-centered parents like me - one who cannot remember kids’ birthdays and all who knows me knows my laziness knows no bound. It is a wonder how my kids are still alive today. I must go all out to celebrate in style with three wise women, all failing society expectations by some margins. We are an inspiration to ourselves. 

What do you do?

Ken was invited yet again to be a guest speaker at an event. He public speaks so much, I wonder what his real job is. I, on the other hand, am so under the radar that nobody knows what I do in the office. Which is my perfect state since I excel in doing nothing. Some say I oversee finance and others say I am the company’s legal + contracts person. Oh my GOD…. Seriously… 

One must appear insufferable and exhaust oneself doing ONE service to showcase one’s value to others. Maximum effort is what people like to see. Unfortunately, all I talk about was good food in a good hotel. Andy did a good job with Park Hyatt Suzhou. Staring at his skirting details while lifting weights in the gym gave me vivid imagery of him trying his best to irritate GM’s construction team. They must not be friends. And those bevel edges looked too much like a touch of Ian Carr. 

Did all these beautiful interiors inspire me to get back into hotel design? A job scope that clearly differentiate the good and bad designers? No way. I was happy just sending daily photos to Megan, who also questioned, “what exactly are you doing there?”. 

Ken flew all the way down to NYC to attend Pokemon Gold Fest! “All the way” was somewhat exaggerated since he was only 3 hours flight time away at that time. Work is certainly better when it offers opportunities to explore. Never fail to make an effort to discover a new place that offers a different experience. 

 

Inspirations

While Ken collected bragging rights to new mons caught from the States, my monthly Shanghai trips yielded loads of Taobao purchases. Brought home a proud collection of鱼山’s sketches. Watermelon Dreaming of Summer is my favorite series which even got Mimi chatting happily about new watermelon possibilities transcending it’s ordinary and mundane form for one whole week. 

Amazingly, his creative paintings inspired and motivated Meggie to write. Meggie soon posted her own version of a whimsical watermelonly story. Art pollinates literature. Love how little effort it seems but one watermelon opened up a world of imagination for my daughter who was never big on expression. 

Mr Morg on the other, expresses extensively.  Never fail to inform me of his daily excitement and worries no matter where I am. 

M&M’s activities, while one parent is away has attain a whole new level of impressive. When I was out of town, Ken did a solid five-day Lego Camp with Morg. Boy loves camping with dad so much, I was chased out.  

Meggie got interested in crocheting which luckily for me, was right up Popo’s alley. Grandma and granddaughter, 60 years old age gap, building such momentum to create craft that both households, 13km apart, suddenly had all their free time occupied with yarn and handmade softies.

This got me seriously thinking what I will be conversing with my kids and grandkids when I turn 70. Will I have interesting skills and hobbies to inspire the young ones to come to me? And yes, I mean “they come to me” (I am the center of my universe), not I go to them, like good parents offering them my services. Just dreaming, because with my current skillset, I will likely end up 跟年轻人讲大道理? Not good. Old age is upon me, any action is NOW. 

What can I do to occupy my old age? 

Mimi’s failing eyesight is preventing her from enjoying her embroidery hobbies. Hence, new hobbies that occupy my old age must survive me going blind. Music! I cannot sing so it will have to be learning a musical instrument. Hahaha… YY learning music… LX was amused. 

 

Now approaching elderly status, I have no one left to impress (except myself), unembarrassed to start anew (teacher growing increasingly exasperated with my breathing) and thick skinned enough (sorry neighbors, I feel for you, unfortunately this is no temporary gig) to continue learning well into my 50s.  

Instrument of choice - bamboo flute.

 

7 lessons, 81,000 seconds of practice later…

I am happy to announce my thumb is no longer cramping. Meggie who picked up her clarinet whenever I started practicing now tells me it is a bad idea to practice in the same room. Every new piece still needs to be WhatsApp to Mimi for her to audio record her humming back (I can’t read scores!!!). But it is great. Progress is in line with 10 more years of lessons and practice. 

Video recording myself practicing is the best way to improve. But in my narcissistic self-gaze, I can only see one fat left arm. OMG the visuals!!! Camera angle, camera angle, they all comfort a visibly distraught me. Zoom in a bit more and OMG ten short and fat fingers. HORROR!!! Where is da elegance of flute playing?!! Water retention, water retention… just massage the fingers daily and they will be slim and long in no time…  Emotional damage… 

 

Barbie

Maybe, just maybe, I need to embrace my true inner self – 原来I am a bimbo. 

Because when office announced Friday to be Barbie Dress Up Day, my heart soared, and went shopping for a pink dress immediately. 

Excitedly searched for myself in ChatGPT.

 

Offered my best skillset as door bitch for the day. Showed off my painted nails and the gals cracked up so bad. Claimed I cannot paint within the lines. BITCHES. 

Sorority was not all a let-down as the sisterhood rescued me in manicure and hair makeover @admin and FF&E department. Anything they can find on material boards goes into my hair. 

Can’t wait to wink at my boss and say “I don’t know” to everything. “Elbow cannot bend, sorry today cannot work also!” A very good day. 

 

Because I accepted who I am – I am a bimbo and I am the center of my universe!

Hungry Ghost Festival

Hungry Ghost Festival 2023 beckons to me. Not in a ghastly way but more like my ancestors (or so I assume) took advance leave two weeks before Ghost Fest and sent me a dream in a manner that sounds like a long-drawn complaint. “Hey, your kids know nothing about us, Chinese Ghosts, it is a disgrace. Are you doing something about this?”

Er…. Yes, the Chinese do have a long fine history of ghosts, proudly haunting me since 1978. I grew up freaking out over shadows in curtains and too scared to put my feet in places my eyes cannot see (for example below a seat) after watching 鬼拉脚. This is why I sit cross legged on the floor all the time. It is a miracle I picked up diving.

M&M are certainly sheltered. Never been scared by the known, unknown, themselves, me. I have failed as a parent. Project Hungry Ghost we must embark for the whole month. 

1.     1. Watch Chinese ghost movies. 僵尸道长，开心鬼，画皮，倩女幽魂

2.     2. Visit Haw Par Villa - full of 妖 not enough鬼

LX insisted that spirits and ghosts are in the same genre. Dude… what if the spirit does not identify as a ghost? This is 2023 and we got to respect their feelings.

3.     3. Know your Chinese Ghosts.

I asked around what 牛头马面 and 黑白无常 do. Everyone assumes they have overlapping job scope of bringing newly deceased to be sorted. See? Everyone needs a refresher on your ghost folklore. 

16 Aug 2023, Wednesday - The Gates of Hell opens.

The restless, frustrated ghosts, unsatisfied in their living life are all released from Hell for a one months’ break. Technically, everyone is out… 

Introducing the few Key Ghosts - Character Creation

Not going to develop 牛头马面 further because horse and cow are too hard to draw. Started on Sadako holding a video tape then realized she is Japanese, which is a NO NO. 

Gates of Hell drawn. 

Lily said it looked too 仙门 rather than 鬼门. 

Lx complaint “Do something about the pink! Your door hinges are falling off! You drew the door too heavy!! Why no imagery of death? Why no overhanging eaves on your walls? Why….”

Fine Fine. I add more details. Morgan! Get some funeral lanterns done please! Door hinges is a user problem, mad rush of ghosts bursting out, do you expect the hinges to hold?

“Aiyah, lanterns should be hung with metal chains!!! Where is the fire? Need flames. Hell is all about fire. Make it burn!”

Ok fire. This is just a backdrop guys, do we need to go into so many details? With this amount of effort, I need to recycle this backdrop for lantern festival next month then Halloween next next month. 

I learnt from M&M today not to judge a ghost from their looks. Side track, both their ghosts are simply disappointing white bedsheets, totally non-Chinese. Sigh. Formal education on Chinese Ghosts features absolutely necessary. So. Turns out that Megan’s happy looking ghost is bad, she claims. Need to go to 18 levels of Hell. While Morgi’s totally out of scale, evil looking ghost is “Mum, he is a good ghost, heaven please”.

Morgi’s ghost then gets channel to Grandma Mengpo to drink the soup of forgetfulness so that he can reincarnate into the next life without the burdens of his current life. He is ready to cross Naihe bridge to the living realm. 

“To Heaven?”

Gee… not quite sure. Din prep anything on heaven but don’t think one can be rebirthed into heaven. Let’s just stick to the plot, ok?

Pick a piece to discover what animal you will be rebirth into! 

Mimi, Morgi and me are all coming back as humans! Hurray. Meggie is coming back as a pig. Hahahah. Do more good, daughter, do more good. 

Jiang Shi

If a human dies but refuses to die, he becomes a 僵尸 (Yippe, my fav!!!), hopping around to suck the qi of the living. Only a Taoist priest can stop a Jiang Shi! 

Education on Bagua. 

The Art of drawing talisman using chicken blood, or your own blood is a must. First the action of biting your finger then in one swift stroke, draw a talisman to protect yourself. 

Megan, you be a priest and Morgan you be a Jiangshi running wild. Now do your job Megan! Despite reminders that Jiangshi can only hop because they are stiff corpses, M&M just ran wild trying to escape being immobilised by the talisman. A mad ending to a whole month of ghosts. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

June Holidays

June Holidays is over. 

Not an exaggeration to say M&M each clock 10 hours of screen time daily. We squeeze in some leftover hours for other activities like:  

 

Patching

Register Mother and Daughter in a “How to Patch Holes in your Clothes” workshop at the National Gallery. Thought this is like Kintsugi, a broken object can be repaired with Gold and make useful again. Celebrate the cracks! Reality is more banal. Workshop is exactly what the name suggests, the practical skill of mending holes in garments instead of throwing them away! Oh… somehow this feels less cultural. But hey, we have no idea how to patch holes so let's do it. 

M&M wear hand me downs and my average garment is 10 years old so plenty of holes everywhere to patch. From where Megan is seated, she can even see a hole in the groin area of the jeans I am wearing!!! Is it bad? … Yah… You helping me mend it at home right?

 

Little do we realize, my jeans have two holes!!! 

It is a warm feeling walking by her room to see her mending my jeans. A typical scene should be this: 

Loving mother straining her eyes by the candlelight to mend clothes for her kids. Well done YY, I have completely reverse the scene to daughter laboring for the modesty of her mum. With Love. But tsk tsk, Megan sews really well in the class but obviously all skills forgotten once put into practical use at home. Refer the case to grandmaster and after inspecting the sewing skills of her granddaughter, declares this garment not worth saving.

Oh mum come on! Jeans are supposed to last forever and this is my third pair already!!! FINE, she says, she will take home to machine the whole area… In the meantime, buy a fourth pair! 

 

Staycation

Bought tickets for the Immersive Van Gogh Exhibition. Ally is gonna punch me for saying the exhibition is ok only… not spectacular…. But, anything to keep kids screen time within 300hrs a month. 

Ken tags a Staycation to the exhibition since “we travel such a long way to Sentosa already”.

Best Best Best pool fun ever. 

Universal Studios. Not easy to cater to a teenager who is starting to enjoy cool rides and a Morgan who needs to learn how to scream out loud in fear. I am too old. I cannot scream so I just cry. 

 

端午节 

Coax Mimi to make zongzi. 

Shopping with her for ingredients is super fun, especially seeing her call the old vegetable stall uncle “小弟”. Classic Act of the Grandmaster. 

So many things to prepare. She mulls over buying cotton strings vs twine as we are not skilled enough for bamboo strings. That is before she finds left over raffia in my storeroom. This woman hates nothing more than left over bits and pieces of stuff tucked in corners of the house. “If I buy new strings, you are going to have 2 ball of leftovers strings for the next 10 years! And what is this 7cm bit of ribbon doing here?

So raffia becomes the wrong but eventual string of choice. Mimi spends a dedicated day of boiling them to rid the chemicals and washing every blade of bamboo leaves (which allegedly is done by Morgi – so hard to believe).

Fast forward to THE WRAPPING DAY. Kids are excited. 

 

Megan, being her 2^nd or 3^rd time wrapping zongzi, is already a skilled labor.  Morgi does not need the figuring out process for his first time and goes straight for it. With courage and little hesitation, he does amazingly well, except for tying.  Amazingly well until… eating time when Ken bite into a zongzi with 90% rice. Where is the meat? Morgi did you wrap meat inside???

M&M make origami zongzi to distribute.

Meggie goes on a Dragonboat rowing trip during school camp! Morgi and me are totally left out so we can only draw with imagination. 

 

Then suddenly, June Holidays is over. Morgi says "Mummy, I am so depressed". I know he is certainly not referring to all the fun activities that are ending but that the internet hours are going to be severely cut! Back to the grind children!