Maldives

I am drunk. Staring into the beautiful emerald ocean, I am intoxicatedly drunk. My eyes burned. The sea is too bright and shimmery.  I do not like its glare but I am trapped. The sea draws my thoughts into its depth that has no beginning or end and I am engulfed and helpless in its presences.

Sitting here, I suddenly feel exhausted. Very very exhausted. Without asking for permission, the ocean begins to take and take. The more it takes, the more I have to give. 

How much thoughts or feelings can a person hold and how much can this ocean drain?

Immense.

There is a stagnant wasteland deep within my soul. Filled with disappointments, deceptive promises and uncertainties. It is a rot that eats me from within, leaving my form deceptively untouched from my suffering.

For months, I have tried to verbalize this emotion. But how does one make sense of nothingness? This crushing sense of futility. Emptiness. Void. I thought of Meiling. Can she understand what I cannot say and put them into words and give me a voice?

Hours and hours on the speedboat. 

Hours and hours staring into the never-ending ocean.

Cyan or turquoise. 

Has the ocean transformed itself? 

Tinted by the filth of my accumulated angst? 

Then diluted and washed away?

Am I now slowly healed? 

Because I now have the words…

Thank you for bringing me here to you.