If you think the three days in KK for Megan's operation was traumatic? You ain't seen nothing yet. Welcome to the weeks of post opt care and the grumpy Megan.
Part 1
Megan is finally home and four of us are in charge of looking after her. That means feeding her nasty tasting medications every few hours. Removing the tape from her philtrum and cleaning the wound after every feed. Removing and re-bandaging her arm for a breather every now and then but make sure her itchy fingers do not rub her nose! And bathing her with or without her bandages. Wow!
The first thing to do once we reached home is feeding and medicine time. That means wound cleaning time too! Its approaching 3pm and none of us has had lunch yet. But that would have to wait.
A 6.5ml medicine takes approx 13 rounds of syringe feeds and Megan hated the taste of both antibiotics and paracetamol. Or maybe she simply hates force feeding. So she only has one response - cry.
After finishing the milk, Ken would carry Megan round and round the house, activating the mobiles, lights, everything and anything that could distract Megan from her loud wails. I would be holding the syringes giving chase behind, seeking every opportunity to squeeze some nasty fluid into her mouth. "Don't let her cry too much, it's bad for the stitches", Joan's words rang in my mind. Great! We have not even reached the painful part yet. Spin round and round... I always get a bit dizzy after all these chase...
After draining all the medicine into her mouth, Ken will calm her down while I prepare to clean her wound. By the time Ken set her at the changing station for me to proceed to step 2, Megan would be all smiley. I would start by standing at her head and Ken at her feet holding her body with his elbows and head with his palms... ok baby, soon you wont be smiling.
First, remove the old bandage and tape... Ouch ouch ouch... The tape tears from her cheeks and before I even begin, tears have started. Damn the tape for being so sticky! By the time I actually start cleaning her stitches, Megan would have brought her cries up to another level. (You can actually hear her screams from the basement carpark) At this point, everyone who was responsible for holding her down will do exactly the same thing that evidently caused huge distress to me... They will let go of Megan's head and try to pat her in a failed attempt to calm her down... Immediately Megan would shake of her head left and right vigorously, making it impossible to aim and clean. Once the elbow grip is gone, Megan will also certainly start kicking the chest of whoever is previously holding her down... chaos has descended.
My clumsy efforts at cleaning and the oh-so-difficult task of taping the gauze down tightly enough to prevent obstructing her breathing cause Megan major discomfort and likewise whoever is witnessing my act. I would have to tear out everything and redo all over again. There would be screams and tears, struggles and kicks, flying tempers and distress... What a mess. This is so different from the controlled enviroment of the hospital.
When it is finally over. Megan would collapsed in bed from sheer exhaustion, I will evidently break down, hide at a corner and sob uncontrollably. Soon, both Ken and me would head to the kitchen for much needed alcohol. And the proportion of vodka gets higher and higher... "will she remember and hate us?", Ken asked me... sigh...
By right the wound should have healed and not painful after days but Megan has developed a phobia of me standing behind her when she is lying down. She will always strain her neck to look at me with those pleading eyes, as if painfully asking me " mummy are you going to hurt me?" You start to see fear in her eyes as she searched for any sign of cotton swaps... I will always pretend to be jovial and make funny faces, when actually the lump in my throat has almost choked me. But there is no hiding from my little one. The moment she see me lift my hands, her crying took on a desperate urgency. Her eyes will still be logged onto me begging me to stop.... and I have not even started. I wish the deepest wish that she will stop staring at me. "look at daddy, look at daddy", I tell her but she hardly allow me to forget it is me who chose to inflict pain onto her even when she begged.
7 days, 42 sessions of such torture drained the life out of Megan and all the adults. We thought the worst was over after her stitches were removed a week later. No more medications, no more cleaning. No more crying.
Part 2
Megan received her 5 in 1 immunisation jabs 9 days after surgery. OMG, it made her cranky beyond my wildest dreams. Instead of wailing every 3hour intervals like before, she now cries for hours and hours. I became busy beyond words, carrying her around and cleaning up her vomits and diarrhea from the living room to the bedrooms to all over my body... Ken was outstationed and my MIL cannot help because she herself just had her cataract operation and for a month she cannot carry heavy things and yup, Megan is heavy. OMG... OMG... "yup yup Megan, mummy is here, don't you worry!"
I know her discomfort is not cleft related but in desperation, I called CCRC for help. CCRC is the best thing that happened to our family. From Dr Vincent all the way down to the nurses, they hold the belief that cleft patients require long term care so we were encouraged to call them if we faced any problem even if it has nothing to do with cleft, be it physical or emotional all the way until Megan turns 18.
Two days later I called again to request for a PD because Megan was still cranky. "you can bring her down to the children's emergency but it does not sound that serious plus you must wait, why don't you come down to CCRC and we will look at her first. If need be then we help you register downstairs..." Fantastic! Love you Josephine and Joan.
I must never forget the help that CCRC rendered us. Joan spent almost an hour with us trying to figure out Megan's problems and going through our feeding, sleeping, carrying patterns, checking all medications Megan has taken to make sure she covered all grounds that can possibly make Megan uncomfortable while Josephine check on the Megan's bottles and tits and told us we over sterilise the tits. These guys are busy to the core everyday and yet out of love and goodwill, they helped and its all without charges... I really really have to give something back one of these days... maybe do volunteering work for CCRC.
Megan is once again good and happy and gaining weight. And when she is happy, we are happy!
