We all have our moments of insecurities.
We become uncertain of our directions and decisions. Lose confidences in our strengths and become overly sensitive about our weaknesses. I am having that moment now. Not a huge one but sizable.
Started my new job and I have to say... I love it!!! The outward facing part is fun and filled with adrenaline... They call it business development - totally new to me, but which I have heard I am a natural. Quite surprising considering I do not feel comfortable approaching people with intention... I feel like an insurance agent! The redeeming factor may be that I am really passionate about what I talk about... hence I talk well.
Passion... a term I have not embraced for quite a while and high time I grab chunks and chunks of it... This new job allows me to merge my two passions - Design and setting up hotels.
Inward facing - I have to manage 20 odd people in a studio. How hard can that be?! Right?
To a certain extend, I can be quite wrong....
I have heard before that an office does not run by itself... and YES.. it does not!!! Damn! You need to motivate the staff, keep them busy, chart their learning and career path, balance the work load, manage office gossip, ensure quality work... its a whole pot of small little things but all interconnected and need to be managed... And more importantly, an office needs a leader.. and hey!!! Last heard, I am the leader...
Uncertainty as to what to do can drive up an easy solution - hide in one singular role and let someone else make the decision. Inaction. Inaction. Inaction. I admit, I do that... at times...
Grow up Gal! Stop hiding and do something! I know what I can do, should do but I am just not doing it!!! One step may not make a world of difference but at least it is a step and it is better than not doing anything. Action Action Action Woman!! Control what you can control and for those that you can't, don't take it to heart! Hmmm.... sounds like what my bestest fren used to tell me all the time....
And hey, I should do just that!
Since the new year, I have met up with many individuals new and old. Not all encounters have been pleasant and good. Some people make me beam, they are so full of vitality and hope even with setbacks in their life. And that is because they find life too precious to be wasted on things they do not believe in and are willing to take a chance and make a change. These friends make me proud.
Other people prefer a slow and steady decay, blaming everyone else for their misfortunes instead of taking things in their own hand. The fact that people I seriously care about prefer the latter life used to bother me greatly. Now I have come to understand and accept that while some people are happy being happy, others are very contented being miserable. At the end of the day, I acknowledge that my idea of the way forward is not the same as everyone else. Live and let live. Everyone has the right to live their life the way they wanted it, their reasons may not be apparently to me.
Megan has been extremely trying. All the signs of Terrible Two, except that she is 15 months at best... 2.5hrs of hoaxing and still not sleeping is exploding my patience beyond my threshold. I have no idea how my in laws do it...they can accept such unreasonable behavior from Megan as part of life and live life as normal!!! I am so fortunate to have them around to help out with the naughty one... Megan would have drove me bananas...
Sensing my little stresses here and there, Ken has been most thoughtful. He told me I should stop frowning and gonna smile today because four years ago on this very day, I made a decision that changed my life!!!!.... Huh?!!! "I propose to you on this day four years ago leh..."
Hahahha... sure or not... dunno weather you are telling the truth or not! Hahahhahha but oh geee...YES you are right... I took a chance four years ago and four years later, I am still smiling.... Love you, my bui bui dear dear BBDD.
From your baby turtle (BBTT)
