Mothers, doctors, nurses who breastfeed or who promote total breastfeeding are like keen members of an obessive cult with a mission to recruit more likeminded members or to influence/ brainwash freethinker new mothers. Hearing successful breastfeeding mums with a halo above their heads share their wonderful experiences and looking at their glowing happy faces reminds me of the holy saints of multi-level marketing companies or charismic priests of churches with open arms saying " come, join me..."... scary.... very scary.... where is the shrine that I need to pray to?
Well, I am not for or against breastfeeding. I think its certainly better than formula milk so I try to do it. This is the story of my on/off success. Please prepare your tissue paper while reading my struggles...
First breastfeeding was Day Two in KK. Not bad for the first few times... then OH NO.... unsuccessful, Megan is still hungry. For those who have no idea on the process of breastfeeding, let me introduce you to this ancient science. KK recommends feeding on demand and as the name suggest - offer your breast when baby cries. Done correctly, baby should cry for milk every 2-3 hrs. Offer your right breast for 15-20 mins then left breast. Repeat this process in the next 2-3 hrs.
Instructions are simple and clear cut, wait till you actually start! The few unsuccessful times, I feed to exhaustion and Megan still cries for milk. I actually had her glued to my breasts for almost 2 hrs before she is satisfied and willing to sleep. I remember Lx waiting outside for me to finish and commended that I am the champion breast for lactating this long. I corrected him that it took me 2 hrs to do a 30mins job so its not what he thinks... Immdiately he downgraded me from Champion Breast to Underperforming Breast.
I still presevere for breastfeeding. Somewhere down the road, to breastfeed becomes a MUST. Oh no, I am influenced by the cult... The feeling is quite intense. The other time I have such "have to do it" emotion must be when I was rescuing the damn victim from the seabed and during surfacing saw our dive boat anchored far far away. Its a long way to tow and my victim take her role as a drowned swimmer REALLY seriously. Give up now and scream for the dive instructor to rescue the rescuer and wake my victim up? I have dived hard for the past days and in a few more days I will get my licence. Damn.... better to continue towing the fat pig. I CAN DO IT. I MUST.... Yes, this is exactly how I feel about breastfeeding... keep trying, it will pass, just establish my feeding routine... I CAN, MUST, HAVE TO.
Back home with Megan. Complication of the human factor. This time its the NURSES verses the CONFINEMENT LADY. Round One FIGHT! Nurses strongly recommend total breastfeeding and no supplementing with formula. Dont use tit bottles or else baby will prefer that to your nipples. Confinement lady subtly say "already not enough milk still dun give supplement, baby is hungry and will keep crying/ cant sleep properly at length...
Just think, other than the mother, who will actually insist on the very difficult process of total breastfeeding day and nite, 40 mins each session, 2-3hrs intervals? And that is when you are a very successful lactating cow which I am not. Confinement lady is not wrong.. hey I have a human relation to manage for a month as well... ok, supplement plus please take over the 3am shift as well so I dont need to wake up so many times in the nite. Confinement Lady WINS!
More complication - rashes
The rashes on my skin suddenly moths into wide circles and within 3 days spread from my thights down to my toes and up to my face. My entire body became enveloped in rashes which are inflamed and itchy. I literally feel like a leper. In the past 2 weeks, many gynes have seen the rashes but all dismiss it as homonal and that it will subside on its own. I mean, what can I say when you dish out the homone card right? Only when we brought Megan to see Vincent for her cheft did he stopped and seriously examine the mother of his patient. "this is not right, ah di boy say its homones? Then you are allergic to Megan.. hahahah...possible you know... hey but serious, you should see a derm"Skin center was closed for the weekend, we rushed down to KK's 24 hrs women's clinic coz Ken can tell u I was certainly lapsing in and out of depression. If I am not scratching my entire body causing many areas to bleed, I have fatigue setting in with conjoined Megan/ breast and still not achieving lactation success. For me to get more rest, more bottlefeeding were given to Megan and I see my milk production dwindle and Megan preferring the bottle. If I do not feed, eventually I will stop producing milk. Catch 22. Every tiny comment about my milk production stressed me out and reduced me to tears if I am not throwing a tantrum already... I am certainly stressed and depressed... My low point in life just got lower.
Round Two. STRESS verses BREASTFEEDING. FIGHT! Er... stress dun play fair since it totally handicap milk production so there is no real fight.... nevertheless - Stress WINS!
Back to KK, this time the doctor was horrified quoting that they never have such a terrible case before. In the doc's exact words, this is too serious and beyond KK and gyne's scope, please head down to skin center as an emergency patient. You cant blame me for being pissed. so many medical professionals dismiss my rashes as trival and now they tell me its too serious for them to handle?! Lucky for me, there is always the dependable Con. She gave me Dr Loke's contacts and we rushed down to see the Derm. Old Loke says I am suffering from a rare case of immune system breakdown... actual cause is unknown. A few suspects - painkiller from KK (told to stop... lucky I hav no real need for those), high level of stress (the start and peak of the rashes tally with my high stress periods.
"I cannot think of another way... I am going to give u a high steriod base medicine and in high dosage for 5 days to quickly bring this down, it will give u gastric and keep u awake at nite. You have to stop breastfeeding"... AH DUH..... ROUND THREE- RASHES verses BREASTFEEDING. FIGHT! Rashes WIN and win hands down!
Lets tally our score - COMPLICATIONS-3, BREASTFEEDING-0. COMPLICATIONS WIN!
Aiyah but all mothers still want the best for the child so I will still like to breastfeed if possible. This period of time, I will practise Pump and Dump to at least keep my underperforming breast lactating... Now Now Now, where is the shrine again?
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